Everyone Says I'm Running Away

Oct 19 , 2019

Everyone Says I'm Running Away

My dad always asks what I’m running away from with my travels. A few weeks ago, a commenter told me to stop running away and to start living life. “Grow up” they said.

And, years ago, I once came across a blog called “Mom says I’m running away.”

I’m not sure why, but there is this perception out there that anyone who travels long term and isn’t interested in settling down or getting a conventional job must be running away from something.

They are just trying to “escape life.”

They are running away from responsibility, being a grown up, heartache, their problems, etc, etc.

We’re all just Peter Pans refusing to be “adults.”

While society thinks traveling is something everyone should do at one point — it is only gap years after college or short vacations that are acceptable. Get it out of your system and come back into the Matrix.

Those of us who lead nomadic lifestyles, or who linger just a bit too long somewhere before reaching that final homestretch, we are accused of running away.

Yes, go travel — but just not for too long.

We nomads must have awful, miserable lives, or are weird, or have had something traumatic happen to us that we are trying to escape. People assume that we are simply running away from our problems, running away from “the real world.”

And to all those people who say that, I say to you—you’re right.

Completely right.

I am running away.

I’m running away from your idea of the “real” world.

I’m avoiding your life.

And, instead, I’m running towards everything — towards the world, exotic places, new people, different cultures, and my own idea of freedom.

While there may be exceptions (as there are with everything), most people who become vagabonds, nomads, long-term travelers, and wanderers do so because they want to experience the world, not escape problems. We are running away from office life, commutes, and weekend errands, and the corporate 9 to 5. We’re running away from the strict path society has laid out as normal. The one that makes as mindless little ants marching too and fro.

We (I) want to experience every culture, see every mountain, eat weird food, attend crazy festivals, meet new people, and enjoy different holidays around the world.

Life is short, and we only get to live it once. I want to look back and say I did exciting things and lived life on my own terms, not say I spent my life reading blogs like this during my lunch break while wishing I was doing the same thing.

No one dies going “If only I had spent more time in the office!”

As an American, my perspective might be different from the rest of yours. In my country, you go to school, you get a job, you get married, you buy a house, and have your 2.5 children. Society boxes you in and restricts your movements to their expectations. It’s like the Matrix.

And any deviation is considered abnormal and weird.

People may want to travel, tell you they envy what you do, say they wish they could do the same thing. But really, they don’t. They are simply fascinated by a lifestyle so outside the norm. There’s nothing wrong with having a family or owning a house — most of my friends lead happy lives doing so.

While social media and the rise of digital nomading and websites like this has made quitting your job to travel the world or teach English in Thailand a little more normal, the general attitude in the States is “do it this way if you want to be normal.

Well, I don’t want to be normal.

I feel like the reason why people tell us we are running away is because they can’t fathom the fact that we broke the mold and are living outside the norm. To want to break all of society’s conventions, there simply must be something wrong with us.

Years ago, at the height of the economic boom, a book called “The Secret” came out. According to “The Secret,” if you just wish for and want something badly enough, you’ll get it. But the real secret to life is that you get what you want when you do what you want.

Life is what you make it out to be. Life is yours to create. We are all chained down by the burdens we place upon ourselves, whether they are bills, errands, or, like me, self-imposed blogging deadlines. If you really want something, you have to go after it.

People who travel the world aren’t running away from life. Just the opposite. Those that break the mold, explore the world, and live on their own terms are running toward true living, in my opinion. We have a degree of freedom a lot of people will never experience. We get to be the captains of our ships.

But it is a freedom we chose to have.

We looked around and said, “I want something different.”

It was that freedom and attitude I saw in travelers years ago in Thailand that inspired me to do lead the life I am now. I saw them break the mold and I thought to myself, “Why not me too?”

I’m not running away.

No.

I am running towards the world and my idea of life.

And I never plan to look back.

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  1. Richard

    Perfectly said. If you really, truly face up to the fact that your life is finite, and that you will not be here forever – and you accept that. Spending it doing anything else except living as much as possible seems folly.

    Also, a typo 🙂 “…we are doing what we went”

  2. James Clark

    If I had a dollar for everytime I’ve heard that “I’m running away” I could buy myself a round-the-world ticket. Usually it was when my friends thought I was just travelling and running away from work. In actual fact I have a few businesses on the go and I work more now than I ever did in my previous cubicle farm job. My friends have changed their tune somewhat now that they know that I work remotely and am making a decent living out of it.

    • NomadicMatt

      I think I could buy myself two tickets!

      With my websites, I am always working. But, I love this- it’s not work and this “work” let’s me do it from cities around the world. I can work a few hrs in the morning, explore new countries, check email at night, and go out. It’s wonderful!

      • Puinoon

        I loved what you were trying to say. My family used to tell everyone I was the black sheep, then they told them I was a rebel, and now they tell everyone I am an unfit mother since, as a SINGLE MOM, I am now “dragging my son to god awful places out of my selfishness.”

        When am I going to give my son a decent life, they all ask. Ohhh let me see, is that the one where he grows up learning to be selfish, self-centered, greedy, aggressive, gratitutous, and disillusioned, etc.? Is that the world that hides behind 9-5, sleep with your neighbor’s wife world? Perhaps it is the world where he lives in a daily grind that safely keeps him ignorant of the suffering, life and death that goes on in the world. The world that keeps him from truly living life.

        At least now my son knows how precious life is, and knows what it means to help others, and knows how quickly life can be snuffed away from you, and knows what it truly means to be faithful, love, honest, dependable, responsible, accountable, and knows what it is like to strive for something, set goals and feel the gratification of accomplishing them. At least he now knows what the truly important things are in life and have nothing to do with money or materialistic things. At least he knows what compassion is and how to be sympathetic and how to fight for injustice and how to stay the course when all seems lost. At least my son now knows how to be loyal and what it means to truly be a man of substance, and to be a man I AM PROUD to say is MY SON!

        • Lisa

          I love what your saying keep living life that way that’s how I would raisey son if I had one I always say I’m going to be a single mom adopt kids and show them the world so they can experience raw humanity and live to discover the soul of the world ! Don’t ever back down I wish more mothers were like you were all have you taken yor son? I’m leaving to India in ten days I can’t wait anyways cheers;)!

  3. Mary R

    Something that should also be mentioned is that once you start traveling long term, you get hooked on the thrill and adventure of it. There’s a momentum, which is easy to maintain… it really becomes the norm and the sedentary life just feels weird and foreign.

    • Laura

      Yes,
      I’ve been traveling off and on for 10 years and there’s no way I’ll go cold turkey. It’s too great. It does have a downside for me-difficulty with longterm relationships. Plus, there is always a bit of escapism in it for me, but why not escape and discover something great.

  4. Andrew

    Bravo! Great piece. Except that today’s American are mostly out of work and can not afford that home for their 2.5 children. =)

    But I applaud you for doing what you feel is the right thing to do in your life. I once traveled around for long periods of time and felt that I would never stop. Eventually I did and while I still have the travel bug, I do not take trips longer than 2 weeks at the most since I am married and have a lil’ nomad on the way.

    But I dig what you are doing…and I hope you continue to do it until you are old and gray. Because you only live once…you might as well try and live it the best way possible.

      • Chris

        Love this article, I do agree that you are not really running away, I wish I could do this but am unable to hold a job etc due to adhd and autism, so I decided to move to hawaii, and if that doesnt work i can move back to california. Massachusetts is so cold, but its nice in june july and august and small parts of sept and october =) Please check out my site/pics too and hit me up if you wanna chat =D

    • Jenny Luna

      I really enjoyed reading this piece. I am an avid traveler as well and I can’t help but think: how lucky to be given the opportunities, or perhaps born into them, to be allowed the choice to conduct such adventures, to have the education to freely think outside the norm, to speak English, to have families that support us, to know ourselves enough to know we’d be lying to ourselves if we didn’t run towards life.

  5. Keith

    Boy, you sound mad and defiant! Haha! Good for you. Great piece Matt. I think one thing this economic crisis is teaching us is that there is no one set way to do things or live your life. The moulds society creates for us are not necessarily the moulds we want to abide by. My wish is that more people find the courage to break from these moulds (their current comfort zones) and explore and create a life that suits them; one that makes them happy and brings contentment. Many will probably say that this is easier to do if you’re in your 20’s or 30’s with no family (i.e. children) to look after. My take on that is that it’s precisely the ‘thinking inside the mould’ mentality that restricts us. Be creative. You said it right: life is short and we only get to live it once. So,… live it! 🙂

    • NomadicMatt

      Like they say Keith, you need to think outside the box….or in this case, live outside the box!

  6. Casey

    Great post Matt. I bet 99.99% of the people who say “you are running away” have never really traveled, much less long-term backpacking. Keep it up!

  7. Colin Wright

    Amen, brother. The draw of something outside of the norm that you described is what keeps me going, too, and it does seem that most people are more fascinated by something so outside of the mainstream than REALLY jealous of someone who lives a life without a well-tread, well-defined path for them to follow.

    But that’s okay. If everyone ‘got it,’ and everyone started to live a mobile lifestyle, then there wouldn’t be much point to traveling in the first place (what would there be to visit? Everyone would be milling around instead of building interesting things worth traveling to!).

  8. Candice

    I’ve heard this countless times before too – it seems the people parting with this kind of ‘insight’ aim it at those of us who are doing things which are out of the ordinary. I guess it is to somehow make themselves feel better about the choices they did or I believe, didn’t make…

    “Normal” is a choice and so is every other way of life, unfortunately most people don’t realise this.

  9. Dave and Deb

    Well said. I agree, traveling is living, not running away.
    Oh, how many times we have been judged for what we have chosen to do and how quickly people voice their opinion.
    People don’t realize how rude they sound when they put us down for traveling.
    Imagine the tables turning. If I said to someone “Oh God, why would you want to buy a house and have kids?” They would just be shocked and angry. It sounds very rude and I wouldn’t dream of saying it.
    But when they say to us “Oh God, why do you waste your time and money traveling?” it is just as rude. Yet they feel that there is nothing wrong with saying it.
    It is exactly what you said, society has certain ways of living that are acceptable and not acceptable and people really do love to voice their opinion when someone thinks outside of the box.
    But I love living outside of the box, so I let is slide of my back and smile while I am living the best life i can live.
    Cheers.

  10. Priyank

    Matt, you’ve put into words and explained nicely what many of us are accused of. Atleast the situation is different from what it was say 50 years back. I wonder though, if this trend catches on, will the world be chaotic? We do need a good balance of loyalists and rebels at a societal level; but personally, I respect more those who take control of their life and do what they want to do. 🙂

  11. Aarti

    Loved the post.. you hit the nail on the head while talking about how we need to make our life happen, do things we want and not wait for something to fall onto our laps…

  12. Stephanie

    I couldn’t have possibly said it better Matt. When I look at the lives of most of the people I know, I feel real fear. And I don’t mean that in a condescending way, I just know that 9-5 cubicle/house and kids/ 2 weeks vacay a year is not what I want for myself. So maybe I am running away from that, but in no way is travel a retreat from life, if anything it’s facing life head on at 90 mph.

    • NomadicMatt

      Me too! I see it in a lot of my friends. Sometimes they actually talk about it too…which means it’s that bad. The rat race creates artificial burdens none of us get to worry about. Actually, any one who lives outside that doesn’t worry about that. It’s all in people’s heads!

  13. JoAnna

    You said it my friend! Even little steps outside the pre-defined norm really freak people out, but there’s nothing wrong with believing in yourself and living the one life you are given. My favorite lines from your piece: “But the real secret is that you get what you want when you do what you want. Life is what you make it out to be. Life is yours to create.” Words to live by.

  14. Audrey

    When we first sold all our stuff in San Francisco and moved to Prague in 2001, there was a Credit Suisse commercial on TV that showed a timeline of “successful” people’s lives: birth, school, college, 1st job, marriage, 1st house, kid, 2nd house, 2nd kid, saving for college, retirement…and that’s when life really began with traveling and golf trips. It gave us the hives every time the commercial came on, but I think for most people it’s comforting and they can’t fathom doing anything else but.

    So, I definitely relate to what you write here, especially as we’re in our mid-30s and all of our friends have the 2.5 kids and are on their 2nd or 3rd house. I like to look at it more as running to a different way of living my life and priorities than running from.

  15. Franny

    Heheh. So interesting. I know for *me* personally, traveling often IS about running away. I need to learn to 1) be happy and then 2) travel. It’s not so much about where or what I’m doing, but that I’m learning to be happy anywhere. People who travel to run away often find they are just as unhappy on the road as they were in their cubicle.. because happiness is a state of mind created by doing and living what you love, NOT something that happens to you because of outside circumstances (which actually is part of the point of the Secret- to follow your inspiration and take action). I find when I’m happier at home, I want to travel less. Funny, eh? 🙂

    • TL

      EXACTLY!!! I cannot agree with you more!!! Many run away just try to find happiness and a peace of mind but then fail for the fact that deeply inside, they have tons of those unhappiness obsessing their mind…

  16. Gaye

    This is such a good read Matt. I also liked your readers’ comments. I’m from the Philippines, and I share the same sentiment. Especially living in a country where gap-packing is unheard of (well, except for backpackers) and traveling alone or even with just one companion is weird. For my family, this concept of ‘exploring things on my own’ sorta means ‘back off I’m a freak’… and my mom would ask always every time I travel, ‘did I not give you a good life?’.

    But see, that ‘good boxed life’ is not for me. And though I cannot be as nomadic as I wish to be (since Asians always have responsibilities to their families), I am pretty content with what I’ve explored so far… for now.

    Your posts are therapeautic. I thrive on travel blogs when I’m stuck at home for a looong time.